Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Transformers Fallen?


Having been on the other side of the camera/production/magic, I know how much work and toil it takes to make a film or TV show happen. Quite often there are 14 hour (or more) days involved. Families miss their fathers, mothers and siblings. Bills go unpaid because you forget what day it is, grass goes uncut, neighbors look at you funny when you leave early and return extremely late (and that grass isn't cut). On the studio side, there are meetings on top of meetings and script revisions that can label in the hundreds. Don't believe the studios on "going green". Most of those scripts are printed on PAPER... COLORED paper. There's lots of work to make a film, you get the point.

So, how do you feel after you've toiled, bled, sweat, circumnavigated the globe for press and you get hit with horrible reviews? Not just horrible reviews, but hilariously horrible?? This is what Michael Bay, the cast and crew are feeling right at this moment. I'm sure it feels like dread and disappointment, but it definitely smells like money and lots of it.

I haven't seen Transformers Revenge of The Fallen yet. [Hmmm Those Paramount people still haven't relocated my number, huh. ] But this is the second Summer film (Wolverine was first) that has come with such advanced word on stanky breath, I just refuse to kiss the lady early. Seems the one film I was invited to see early and didn't (The Hangover) has come with the brightest shine and thus my disappointment. Thus far, the invite Gods have been good to me.

Now what? Do I see the film that was described as

"Like watching paint dry while getting hit over the head with a frying pan!" - Bradshaw, Guardian

and

"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun Times.

While it's also garnered a 21% on the Rotten Tomato Tomatometer? Of course I will see it! Not the first weekend. I'll let the crowds subside and see it mid-next week maybe after seeing The Hangover. I appreciate the work of all those below the line people that worked their butts off only to have the goodness pulled from beneath them because some asshole thought it was funny to have illiterate "hip hop" robots speaking in stereotypical broken English (yes really). Hmmm, maybe I'll sneak into this movie after paying for The Hangover... I'm a cineaste first and this thing seems like this year's horrible (transforming) train wreck.

Well...until GI Joe comes out...

Have you seen it? Please tell me what you thought...

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Friday, May 1, 2009

A Big Ass Movie Summer Sans Big Asses

I've been under a rock recently as far as actually SEEING films. A BIG shame considering the Tribeca Film Festival just rolled through my beloved Noo Yawk.


I've heard really good things about The Soloist starring RDJ and Mr. Blame It on The A-A-A-A-Alcohol Foxx (that song is so infectious I may just start calling stuff that infectious Swine Flu).

But the Summer is upon us and it is going to be a summer of BIG ASS MOVIES...unfortunately not one stars a really BIG ASS. What happened to all the BIG ASS actresses? They're in hiding. If I'm wrong, hit me up...


This weekend X-Men Origins: Wolverine is released and as much as I should be looking forward to the release, I'm a bit underwhelmed. A few bad reviews from critics effected me slightly. However, after the horrible review given by my trusted consigliere Kern, it was a wrap in my head.

"Yo, it's on some Saturday afternoon...scratch that...after school cartoon shit! I'm pissed!" - Kern


Welcome to Heartbreak!

I'll still see it...matinee style. I'll even smuggle my own snacks in (recession master style) and forgive my Fox friends for not inviting me to see the film. What I WILL do is send them a "Hiya" and a duly noted on the Wolverine ignoration.


I'm very on board for the next Harry Potter film and at last check, I still have friends over at Warner Brothers:-) So I'll look forward to that invite...hint hint hint...brick over the head to SM & NR. You will be hearing from me soon. Just a little "Hiya, Harry" email ya know!

WB has been doing a great job of protecting the franchise. Which I was recently told on Twitter that I'm less masculine for having read the books on the public transportation instead of quietly in a darkened corner where no one can witness the screaming "death knell of masculinity". LOL Take a look at this...

Wave of The Wand


Dark, spooky, amusing..PG? Umm...Y'all sure about that??

I'm there opening weekend or at a screening. I may even wear a wizard's hat...I KID! But I will have a wand in my pocket. LOL


Hold up! Am I for real looking forward to a Star Trek movie!!??

Take a look at this...

Vulcan Neck Pinch


JJ Abrams has always impressed me with his work. Yes, I said ALWAYS. So I have a feeling after this reboot, Star Wars fans like myself will be screaming "Star Wars reboot!"



Y'all wanna see some BIG ASS Robots??

Transform and Roll Out


Now come on, you can't say Michael Bay doesn't give the audience what they want. That trailer proves it. Megan Fox looking super hot bent over a motorcycle. Shia LeBeauf looking all cutesy and smart for the ladies. John Turturro being quirky and funny. Last, but not least...big ass life-like robots fighting. I'm there first day wearing an Autobot t-shirt...hoping they don't take it too far and ruin the whole thing.


Another film I'm watching closely before release is GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. The full length trailer just released. Take a look...so I can talk to you about it...
Go Joe


Hmmm...right? It's hmmmm...If Arsenio Hall were here he'd be putting his overextended index finger against his overextended cranium and saying "hmmmm". Lots of action in that trailer, plenty of REALLY incredible effects. The Eiffel Tower and jet disintegration shots are pretty damn hot. I did get a little nervous with some of the dialogue I heard. But it's a trailer so I get it. Let's see what they bring...I'm still there.


That's the first released image from NEXT SUMMER"S BIG ASS MOVIE Iron Man 2 as it appeared in today's USA Today(ahem..legal plug..ahem). More than decent shot of RDJ doing his stern Tony Stark stare with the Iron Man suits behind him. Director Jon Favreau's Tweets from the set have been pretty interesting, guarded and hype building. I like how he throws in tidbits about the new suit and how easy it is to work with compared to the last set suit...alas, no twitpics for us.

Nice, Mr. Favreau...real nice with the hype build up.

Ok, I'm done talking about other people's films. Time to go write some more Swine Flu of my own. If you want to keep up with my daily vitriol, work and P90X rants. Follow me on Twitter...

Yes I Yell Into a Dark World Wondering If People are Listening

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Saturday, February 7, 2009

One Shall Stand One Shall Fall


I felt a little bad about posting the GI Joe spot and not giving any love to Transformers:Rise of The Fallen. I don't know why I'd feel bad about not promoting a film I have absolutely NOTHING to do with. BUT...the first film was a great ride and it looks like Michael Bay has done that thing he does (cue big awesome explosion here) well...again.

And as a fan, I can't help, but think that the shot at the end of what looks like Devastator busting through the highway overpass and going after Optimus Prime is pretty damn amazing. Those good people at Paramount are really stacking up the Summer Blockbusters aren't they...

Go ahead and Roll Out

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